The Threat of the Libertasians

A cruel hand we have had of it here at t’Irish Pirate Review betimes. We were becalmed in the Doldrums, a foul part of the ocean where the fell wind abandoned its loyalist adherants. We drifted for days in the most feared latitudes upon the waves. So desperate for progress that we had to throw overboard all our booty, every scrap of weight, to give a chance of picking up the slightest breeze.

T’were a dark moment, but we even had to force our horses, fine Arabian Stallions all, to meet a watery grave in Davy Jones’ Locker.

We lost three crew before getting into port- two to the scurvy when the lime juice ran out and one who we keelhauled when he was found drunk on another man’s rum ration.

But even a voyage like that was as nothing to the shock I recieved when I first perused the news-sheets back in port. Sipping a lime juice and rum (through a straw due to the scurvy taking all me teeth) I see that the Treaty, signed by the Great Landlubber Powers in the Port o’Lisbon has drawn out of the rotton wood planking as foul a bunch o’Landlubbers as ever has been gathered.

While the full Pirate analysis of this Treaty must wait for a deeper treatment, ’tis important to say early on that the threat posed by these self-styled Libertasians to the Pirateist project should not be underestimated. While others may argue that it is the major elected factions of the Landlubber classes we ought to focus upon, and not worry too much about the vanity projects of merchants and financiers, I call NAY!

For alone amongst the Landlubbers, the Libertasians recognise that their true enemy is the Pirate. While we sail on, forgotten and ignored by the larger factions, Libertasians recognise the challenge we pose to their beliefs, ideas and way of life.

To defeat us, they have stolen our garments. They speak of free-trade (something every smuggler is wedded to). They wish to see Ireland placed above all the Landlubber Powers. Well, is that not the great goal of the Irish Pirating Project?

But be warned, Libertasians are Landlubbers through and true. They have all their own teeth and shun the smack of the salty brine in their beards. Indeed, many of them don’t even have beards.

Libertasians may look to the unwary eye like a combination of buffoons and scamps unfit to be pressganged as cabin boys. But ’tis behind that facade of absurdity that their great plan hides. What that plan may be we can but speculate pointlessly and at great length.

We shall return to the Treaty of Lisbon at a later moon. For now, we just urge all Pirates to be ‘ware!

Yo Ho Ho!


3 Responses to “The Threat of the Libertasians”

  1. 1 EWI 25 May, 2008 at 1:13 pm

    Libertasians may look to the unwary eye like a combination of buffoons and scamps unfit to be pressganged as cabin boys.

    Th’Pirate may be interested to be in the knowin’ that th’antics o’ these Libertasians durin’ their openly landlubber prior existences are still archiv’d at

  1. 1 Regretfully, Yes « The Cedar Lounge Revolution Trackback on 22 May, 2008 at 9:38 pm
  2. 2 Irish Left Review - Regretfully, Yes Trackback on 29 May, 2008 at 3:52 pm

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