CERN and the Large Hadron Collider: The Pirate perspective

Ahoy, shipmates!

As the tidings of the world which we call news are becalmed, I thought to tell ‘ee of a matter that I have been musing upon as I gaze upon my charts and maps o’ the stars.

On my last lengthy stay in port in New Amsterdam, to have the hull scraped clean of barnacles and the rips torn by wild Carribean winds in me sails stiched, I did hear tell of a terrible machine the Landlubbers of the stinking land-locked town of Geneva have built.

At first, I did assume that anything that was being assembled by the Landlubbers most opposed to Pirates in all the world was intended as a new kind of cannon for use ‘pon the waves.

Sure enough, I was told that they had created a cannon which could smash atoms apart, which from the description I read in the news-sheet are a kind of grapeshot. I was mighty relieved to find that the fool Landlubbers had built the cannon underground. However, what concerned me was that the report did not consider the Pirate perspective.

This machine, they did tell, has some islanders in the pleasant archipelago of Hawaii concerned that they may create a ‘Black Hole’ which will destroy all of the earth. I have spent many the good night with the women of Hawaii, who appreciate the virtues of a man with a peg-leg like few others. But I say that for all true Buccaneers, the destruction of all earth cannot come too soon.

If all the land be served with a Black Spot and departs, only the sea shall remain. It would be a grand look-out indeed if the rule of the Pirate and the total destruction of the Landlubbers would be brought about by the cheese-stinking Burghers of Geneva.

To Davy Jones’ Locker with them!


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Arrh! The Photo above be available for us to be using though Creative Commons by missy_1074 from Flickr. We thankee!
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