The Problem of Armchair Pirates

Arr Me Hearties!

In recent years, there has been a swing away from the tried and true traditions of Pirating towards a voguish New Piracy. Springing from the shallow portrayal of the Pirate life by the accursed Johnny Depp in the Pirates of the Caribbean series of films, we have seen these New Pirates assume parts of the Pirate lore as lifestyle choices, without making the break from the Landlubber existence that every true Pirate must embrace.

These armchair Pirates may wear shirts with frills down the front and big, puffy, sleeves. They may have little pointy beards or even keep a parrot as a pet. But they are not real Pirates. By diverting people who potentially might have become real Pirates into this pale pseudo-Piracy Landlubbers have succeeded in draining vitality from the Pirate culture .

To deny that this is true is to face down reality and to spit in its eye. Adventurers and Pirates always look at the world as it truly is. We must therefore begin the difficult task of confronting this voguish New Piracy where ever and when ever we encounter it. Be it in the Taverns, by the Waterside or on a sandy beach or cove confrontation can only benefit both parties in the long run, even if it does seem uncomfortable at the time.

One of the tasks of the Irish Pirate Review must surely include the formulation of a plan of action which true Pirates can rely upon in these difficult situations. Early use of the cutlass must surely be the starting point with walking the plank as the end. But what to do between those uncontroversial actions has been the subject of much debate over ale and the breasts of wenches.

We welcome lively debate here at the Irish Pirate Review and invite our readers to suggest for themselves how best to deal with the Problem of Armchair Pirates.

Yo! Ho! Ho!